Weekly Wandering is reflecting this week on when a significant part of our self identity comes to an end. Many of us define ourselves by our careers. I know I did, but in looking back my self identity had nothing to do with my career, but with myself. Instead I defined myself by WHAT I WAS, not WHO I WAS. But how can you define WHO YOU ARE when you don’t have a clue to what that really means much less find it?
About five years ago I lost my dental career to Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) and Fibromyalgia. More then that, when my body could no longer produce the energy it needed to function both mentally and physically, my life as I knew it ended. I went from being an energizer bunny to road kill. Day after day I lay curled up in a recliner in constant pain with debilitating weakness. The grief of losing my life and career was devastating and beyond comprehension.
But I discovered in time, there is a gift in endings. The gift is new beginnings.
The long days of grief and convalescence became a review of my life up until the time of my chronic illness. As I watched the parade of memories go by, I recognized so many life events and people who shaped my life, both good and bad. I recognized the people and events that left bleeding emotional wounds.
Some memories came from childhood, some came from adulthood. Each emotional wound that stood out to me I realized I had been carrying inside of me for years. Unable to express this pain, it became buried in my body as a neverending story that replayed itself 24/7.
Eventually this body story became “stories” as they attached themselves and infected my internal living energy system. My “stories” developed layers or additional chapters that built on the origin of my emotional pains.
My body made a “contract”’ with these body stories to keep me from recognizing or releasing them. Eventually these “contracts” led to physical illness. I had warning signs, but did not nor wanted to recognize what was happening to me physically as well as emotionally. Crash, boom, bang, life as I knew it was over. I grieved over who and what I used to be.
In time I awakened to the fact that I never was a WHO, I was a WHAT. I discovered through learning to listen and understand what my body was telling me that I was always WHAT was expected of me from family, friends, employers, and society. All I really understood was their expectations of me and they were never good enough for anybody. Eventually my own expectations weren’t either.
Then the life and career I thought I wanted back, I finally understood had ended for a reason and a purpose. The Gift of the Ending of WHAT I WAS became the Gift of WHO I WAS with New Beginnings.
Over time, inner healing taught me how to release these old body stories and break the contracts my body had made with them. My growing awakening to WHO I WAS became the awareness of my Beloved Spirit within me.
Each step on my journey of personal healing led me closer and closer to connecting with the True Me and My Personal Truth. I became transformed by Healing Light and Love that revealed my New Life and Purpose.
I was to be a healer to serve those who have struggled all their life with low self esteem, low self confidence and worse of all, no sense of WHO YOU ARE AND HOW VALUABLE YOU ARE TO THIS WORLD!
My transformation brought me back to dentistry but in a new way with a new purpose. Voila, Dental Soul Care! This has also led me to becoming a Reiki Healer, Body Story™ Expert, a spiritual writer and more.
I give thanks daily for the Gift of Endings and Beginnings, for I now know it brings me the Gift of New Life in Service with Purpose.
Mary Jane Brigger
Mary Jane writes from the heart of her 25 years in dentistry. After Fibromyalgia ended her dental career, Mary Jane reflected on how holistic spiritual and personal development would benefit the dental professional. Weekly Wanderings addresses the many personal and spiritual challenges that dental professionals face daily in their careers.
Mary Jane owns “The Soul Care Experience” and is a Reiki Practitioner and Body Story ™ Expert in certification process. Dental Soul Care is offered through The Soul Care Series which features programs and services focused on inner healing.